Why are My Women Friends in Love with the Dog Whisperer?

I was at a party recently on a balmy spring evening in Ft. Lauderdale and joined a conversation with a group of women, some I knew, others I’d just met, and as we chatted at the outdoor bar before dinner, the conversation turned to dogs. Each woman had a dog she loved, as did I, so I added my lavish praise of my own dog, admitted he was spoiled just as the others did. We ooh’d and aw’d over stories of how cute the dogs were and what they had done. One woman said her dog had passed away, and we all offered condolences. The talk turned to training, and one woman mentioned the television show, “The Dog Whisperer” and the dog trainer, Cesar Millan.

All of us drew in a breath and said in unison, “I love the Dog Whisperer!”

There was a pause. It was the first moment of silence in the usual ritual of party chatter and what had been a warm conversation. We all seemed amazed that we were all in agreement, and a hint of jealousy perhaps crept in, as if perhaps each woman had thought she was the only one, that somehow he was theirs.

Why are all these women in love with the Dog Whisperer? I wondered if they meant the show or the man. I’m pretty sure they meant the man. My husband certainly thinks I’m in love with him. I protest when my husband says it. He walks in the room and catches me watching the show, shakes his head and laughs.

So I thought I would look more carefully at Cesar Millan’s interactions with people, especially women, and not just the dogs on the show. The way he is with the dogs I think is part of his appeal. The way he is with the people sometimes can be off-putting, especially when he tells them they are doing something wrong and that they are the source of their dog’s problem. Some people don’t like this. You can see them get stiff as he says it, and their replies get curt. But he usually wins them over at the end when they see how changed their dog is.

But I looked at what else he does, from when he first walks in to a person’s house. He sits down with the people, usually ignoring the dog, and asks them what they want.

When he says, “How can I help you?” that alone earns Brownie points because, really, in the course of your usual day, how many people ask you how they can help you? Don’t we more often get asked to help, especially if you are a woman and even more so if you are a Mom? That’s Mom’s job, to help, and that’s great, but once in a while a helping hand would help a lot.

Cesar teaches you to fish for a lifetime, as the proverb goes, not merely giving you a fish for a day. He gives you rules, boundaries and limitations – his mantra. In a world where you can have anything you want – even if it’s bad for you – someone tells you No and liberates you from the freedom. He’s an authority, and sometimes we like having an outside figure tell us what to do and not to do. We can then relay this information, these rules, to others with the weight of the authoritative person who established the rule. We’re off the hook. “It’s not me saying this, it’s the expert.” It’s the same with doctors. If you’ve been trying to talk your husband into losing weight, for example, but he doesn’t listen, all it takes is the authoritative edict from the doctor and bam, husband diets, at least for a while.

Cesar doesn’t pretend either. He tells it like it is. Often people avoid telling you something is wrong just to avoid hurting your feelings or being the one who was rude. Cesar tells you the truth, and he’s right. He can back it up. It’s like he has a special kinship with the dogs and can speak their language, hence the name of the show.

One woman he helped wiped tears from her eyes as she realized she had to demand respect from her dog, and she did it and it worked and her dog still loved her. Cesar gave her permission to demand respect. She said it herself, that all her life she’d let people push her around, and now she was going to be different. I believe her. It was a great transformation to watch.

That’s one of the things I love about the show. I learn more about myself and what I want from my dog as I watch them learn things about themselves. What do I want from my dog? Companionship, a buddy (although Cesar would caution me against this), and I admit I like that fact that my dog is so happy to see me when I come home and is interested in everything I do, even cleaning the bathroom. You know the joke: what’s the difference between a man and a dog after a year? The dog is still excited to see you when you walk in the door.

I’ll keep watching The Dog Whisperer and hopefully keep learning to be a pack leader, be “calm and assertive” as Cesar instructs. He’s confident and has air of command without aggression. I aspire to be more self confident. Cesar says dogs live in the moment. Maybe I could learn to let go of some things in the past and be like the saying goes: “I strive to be the person my dog thinks I am.”